Worth the wait
by BikerChick101
Summary: "With enough time, eventually we all see what was right in front of us… And realize, no matter how long it took, it was worth the wait." NS season 5 AU-ish
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl_**

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><p>Serena sat at her desk at 'The Spectator', it had been a few weeks since she started working there with Nate as her partner in crime, now he was running the entire thing, an unwanted gift from his grandfather Nate had told her after Diana Payne left.<p>

Running her hands through her hair she looked at the time, too early to be at work, the rest of the staff would only be coming into the office in an hour. She couldn't sleep, and she couldn't stay at Blair's and Ivy kicked her mother and Rufus out of that apartment so that was of bounds and she didn't want to go to Chuck and Nate's because Lola was there and she didn't want to be in the same room as Serena. She thought about moving into her old suite at the Empire, she wondered if it was still reserved for her, she'd have to ask Chuck later.

She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear the door open and someone walk past her and put their things on the desk with a huge thump.

"Hey S," Nate said leaning down so he could say it right next to her ear. Nate didn't expect her to be so shocked that she'd jump out of her seat, quickly he wrapped his arms around her waist and steadied her before she fell.

"Jeez Nate, what is wrong with you?" Serena snapped, breathing heavily and closing her eyes realizing how harsh she was. "I'm sorry I just didn't expect anyone to be here this early," she mumbled dropping her head forward so it rested on his shoulder.

Nate was kneeling in front of her with his arms around her, tugging her into him the slightest bit figuring she looked like she needed a hug. "I didn't mean to scare you," he said with a slight chuckle. "Why are you here so early?"

"I … have nowhere else to go," she admitted. "I didn't really want to be around people either."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked and she shook her head pulling out of his arms, he registered that he still had his arms around her so he cleared his throat and stood up uncomfortable. "Ok … oh I've got something for you."

Serena picked her head up to eye him and the box he was holding. "What is that?"

"I have no idea but it is addressed to you, Blair had it sent to me to give to you," Nate said and Serena nodded she was looking at the package but she made no attempt to take it from him. "You two not talking?"

"We're talking, we just don't have anything to talk about that isn't uncomfortable and about Dan," Serena said shrugging.

"So do you want to open this or are you just going to stare at it for the rest of the day," Nate said he really didn't know what to say to her and he didn't want to upset her further so the best thing for him to do was change the subject.

"Bring it here," Serena said rolling her eyes at him and holding her hands out to take the package. "I know this writing."

"You weren't expecting it?" Nate asked pulling a chair closer to her desk so he could see what it was, he couldn't recognize the writing on the box.

"Nope, looks kinda big, do you think maybe my grandmother sent something when she knew she was going to die?" Serena asked looking at him and he shrugged.

"Open it and find out," he said and she nodded, Nate made a move to stand but she grabbed his arm to keep him seated next to her.

Serena opened the box to find a laptop inside. "Ok … it's a laptop," Serena said frowning at the laptop. "Who's it from?"

"Hey check it out there's a note," Nate said pointing to the piece of paper taped to the side of the box.

"Nate," Serena gasped grabbing his arm. "This is from Gossip Girl, it's Georgina."

"Georgina is Gossip Girl?" Nate asked looking at the note. "How do you know, it's signed Gossip Girl."

"I know Nate, this is how Georgina writes her G's," Serena said biting her lip. "Around the time you guys found out about Pete, she sent me packages to make me look bad, they were signed G, written like this and when Blair got her invite to some secret society in NYU it was signed with the same _G_."

"Ok then let's see what's on the laptop," Nate said and Serena nodded but then she shook her head and closed the box.

"Nate do you really want to know?" she asked. "I mean if this is Gossip Girls laptop then this is everything we've wanted, remember when we tried to bring her down at the end of high school?"

Nate snorted, "Yeah I remember, that was a royal fail," he said remembering trying to lure Gossip Girl to meet them and ending up with their entire class and a few others that Gossip Girl has targeted.

"No more Gossip Girl, no more secrets, no more crazy stalker documenting every second of our lives. We can finally get some privacy!"

"Yeah but aren't you curious?" Nate asked.

"Sure I am, but I'm more interested in keeping my life out of the media more than reading what she's got on us," Serena said and Nate shook his head.

"Well I guess it would be a nice change," Nate said. "You may want to put that away, it's about time for people to start coming in."

"Do you think you can keep this from Chuck and Lola?" Serena asked opening her bag and stuffing the box into it.

"Now I know why girls carry such huge bags," Nate said as he watched her hide the boxed laptop in her bag. "How does everything fit in there?"

"The bag was pretty empty," Serena said rolling her eyes. "So are you going to keep my secret?"

"What, that you're the new Gossip Girl, sure," Nate smirked and nodded.

"Funny Natie," Serena said dryly. "So where is Lola today?"

"I think she's working or going to confront her mother," Nate said frowning as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Either way she was gone before I got out of the shower."

Serena nodded, Lola was her cousin but she wanted nothing at all to do with her family. Of course the Rhodes family was a little crazy but to cut them out of her life because they thought she was someone else was not right.

Nate was right a few minutes later a stream of employee's came in, chatting about the next story that they're going to get or discussing their families and their problems, the office was a bustle of activity and Serena felt like she was watching it in a dream, like she wasn't really there. She watched Nate grab everyone's attention and speak to them about what their assignments were, she saw him glance at her a few times but she didn't hear what he was saying.

"Ok you are officially freaking me out," Nate said and Serena snapped her head up to look at him, only then did she realize that everyone else was gone.

"I'm sorry I'm just a little distracted by everything that's going on," Serena said standing up and grabbing her bag. "Ok what am I in charge of today?"

"I didn't give you an assignment," Nate said with a smile. "The awesome thing about having one of your best friends as your boss is that they can let you off the hook once in a while."

"Nate… " Serena started but Nate cut her off.

"Go talk to Chuck or God knows maybe even Blair and Dan, take the day to visit Erik," Nate said. "Your mom will be more then delighted to see you, I think avoid the Lola drama but you need to stop thinking so hard, its driving me crazy."

Serena smiled and jumped into his arms, giving him a tight hug, "You're the best Nate," she said, squeezing him and he laughed as he returned her hug.

"Tell that to Chuck," he called after her as she left the office.

Serena let go of a breath as she left the office, it was too far from the empire where she knew Chuck would be so she decided to walk, she could think and hopefully relax. As she was walking into the Empire lobby she saw her father lead a blond woman to the bar, Serena frowned as she watched them, she barely had a chance to speak to her father since he returned to town. She walks toward them so she can say hi before going to see Chuck and she stops dead in her tracks when the blond he's with turns enough so Serena can see her face. Lola.

Jumping to hide herself from their view if they turned around Serena tried to figure out why her father would be having drinks with Lola? She wondered if Nate knew and then she wondered why Lola would be with her father if she wanted to stay far away from the Rhodes, he was basically part of them.

Serena almost ran to the private elevator that would take her directly to Chuck, the man at the reception looking at her funny but recognizing her enough to wave off the confused security guard, her heart racing as she tried to come up with reasons for her father and her cousins meeting.

"Serena," Chuck said as soon as she walked in, he was sitting on the couch, scotch in hand, reading the paper. "To what do I owe this pleasure."

"Nate gave me the day off," Serena said and Chuck nodded and gestured for her to sit.

"And you came to me? I'm not the entertaining type right now sis," Chuck said raising an eyebrow at her and she nodded absentmindedly. "Are you ok?"

"Do you have any idea why my father would be at the bar right now, with Lola? Or why Lola would even consider speaking with my father when she clearly wants nothing but Nate from this world," Serena asked and Chuck almost laughed.

"Jealous?" he asked and Serena glared at him. "Maybe she does want more from this world and since your father was in charge of Cece's financial things, she thinks she may have inherited more than he let on."

"No, I know that's not it," Serena said biting her lip. "She felt so strongly about our family and money, she wouldn't change that fast."

"She could have been acting," Chuck suggested smirking at Serena.

"Urg this is going to drive me crazy," Serena exclaimed blowing out a breath. "They probably just saw each other randomly, after all they are both staying here."

"That could be it," Chuck said shrugging and Serena sat up straight again.

"I actually came to ask you something," Serena said and Chuck nodded at her to continue. "My suite here, is it still available or is someone else using it?"

"It's all yours, I can have the maids clean it up and the Arthur get your thinks from the Waldorf penthouse by this afternoon," Chuck said placing the scotch on the counter and folding up his paper.

"Thank you," Serena said smiling at him. "You have no idea how much I need to get out of the Waldorf's."

"Blair and Dan's … activities keeping you awake at night?" Chuck asked with a frown and Serena made a disgusted face before burying her face in her hands.

"Ew," Serena said into her hands before glaring at Chuck. "Great now I'm going to have the weirdest images in my head."

"I didn't say what the activities were," Chuck smirked.

"You didn't have to," Serena groaned. "I actually haven't seen either of them since Cece's wake."

"Hiding out in Brooklyn then," Chuck said and Serena winced at the pain she heard in his voice.

"She came back I think but we've never crossed paths," Serena said shrugging. "Mom and Rufus were at a hotel but I think he wanted to move back into the loft so … anyway I just had to get out of there before I say or do something I regret."

"You don't have to explain it," Chuck said looking away and Serena bit her lip, here she was complaining about how this affected her when really it had hurt him so much more.

"How are you doing with everything?" Serena asked, she knew the things Blair said to Chuck and then the things she did to him and she hated it, they may not have always been close or liked each other but Chuck turned into an awesome big brother, one she'd always wanted but never had.

"I'm fine," he said standing. "Why don't I teach you how to play pool?"

"Who says I don't already know how to play," Serena challenged standing as well and welcoming the distraction he offered.

"Serena, my best friend is Nathaniel and unless you miraculously mastered the game since you two broke up, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how to play."

Serena rolled her eyes and grabbed a pool cue and held it in front of her, "You hit the white ball with the pointy end," she said and Chuck laughed.

"You have so much to learn."

That's how Nate found them hours later when he got off from work, "Hey, you teaching her how to play?" he asked.

"Yes and I think I'm getting it," Serena giggled and Nate laughed.

"You seem better," Nate said giving her a hug and then going over to slap Chuck on his back affectionately. "So do you."

"I was never bad Nathaniel," Chuck said with a smirk. "Take over, I'll order the food."

"Awesome," Nate said before turning to Serena who was leaning on her cue and smiling at them. "Let the master show you how it's done."

"I got the hang of this, I will beat you," Serena said as Nate set it up.

"Sure you will," he murmured setting the balls correctly in the triangle and moving to the other end to find the white ball to break it.

"How is Chuck, really," Serena asked when Chuck was out of hearing range and Nate picked his head up to look at her, she had this adorable worried expression on her face and he shook his head, he was dating her cousin he couldn't think like that. "That bad?"

"He's dealing, differently," Nate said with a frown stepping back so Serena could take a shot. "He never spoke about things but at least he showed emotion or he did something drastic that we could pull him out from, you know."

"But this time?" Serena prodded. "Oh look I got one in," she squealed when she sunk one of her balls.

"Well done," Nate smiled. "This time he's acting as if it never happened as if they_ didn't_ exist, he's acting like he's over it, I know he isn't."

"Me too," Serena said frowning when the ball she hit went in the wrong direction. "But what can we do?"

"Honestly, nothing," Nate said sinking a ball and walking around the table. "We're just going to have to wait until he needs us."

"Oh," Serena said frowning. "Hey, do you have any idea why Lola would be having drinks with my father?"

Nate stopped half way through aiming and turned to her. "Are you following her?"

"No!" Serena exclaimed, hurt that he would even think that. "Of course now, I saw them when I came here and I was just … curious."

It all just seemed so stupid now that she's asked Nate. "I have no idea, it was probably just a random meeting, they _are_ both staying here and he is one of the few people she knows on the Upper East Side."

"Yeah maybe," Serena said quietly watching him sink the final ball.

"I won," he said lifting his arms up and making fists with a smug expression on his face.

"Yeah, yeah," Serena said punching his arm lightly then looking over at Chuck.

"I didn't say I would teach you to be good enough to beat him," Chuck said and Nate laughed.

"Another game?" Nate asked and Serena shook her head.

"Enough pool for a really, really long time," Serena said putting the cue onto the table.

"Come on, I'll show you how to hold it properly, knowing Chuck he didn't teach you that very important bit," Nate said handing her back her discarded cue stick and grinning at his best friend.

"I taught her well enough, this is Arthur," Chuck said when his phone rang. "Food will be here in 20 minutes."

"Thanks man," Nate yelled and then held the cue up and leaned over the side of the table showing Serena how to hold her fingers when she was aiming.

"I think I have it," Serena said a little unsurely, she was trying to copy Nate but when she hit the ball it didn't go as planned. "Ok maybe not."

"Here let me show you," Nate said with a slight laugh, he walked over to her and she got back into position to hit the ball. "Ok now do this with your fingers," he said reaching over and using his hand to curl her fingers under the cue using her thumb as leverage then he snaked his other hand around her body to hold her hand tight on the end of the stick. "Ok ready?" he asked and she nodded.

Her mind already going back to a different time, a different date with a different guy. Maybe Dan and Blair was affecting her more than she thought but then all of a sudden it only Nate's smell that she's inhaling, the familiar heat of his body wrapped partially around her, the sound of his voice as he coached her and she realized that none of this was about Dan at all, the only thing about him and Blair that was bothering her was the fact that Blair had taken him when he was supposed to be hers. In some ways she was a spoilt brat and what was hers was meant to stay hers, she missed the attention, the way he only thought of her before he only thought of Blair.

"And there we go," Nate said softly as the ball slipped into the socket. "You'll be a pro in no time."

She only realized that her face had tuned and her lips were almost on Nate's when the elevator made a noise and broke them apart.

"Serena, why are you here," Lola asked glaring at her. "And in my boyfriends arms?"

"Nathaniel was always touchy feely when it came to teaching people how to play pool," Chuck smirked as he walked back into the room, saving Nate and Serena from fumbling to come up with an excuse. "Sis I hope you don't mind, it's taking Arthur a little longer than expected to move your things."

"You're moving?" Nate asked recovering from his momentary shock to stare at her.

"Yeah," Serena said with a half smile. "I'm moving here, into my old suite, I can't stay at Blair's without making things worse and I can't go to my mom's because Ivy kicked them out so I just think I need to be alone for a while."

"So you'll be here a lot then," Lola asked not too happy with the fact that Serena will be so close and Serena frowned at her.

"I'll visit," Serena said, why did this girl hate her so much. "Sometimes."

"That's all I need to know," Lola said stalking off to Nate's room, Nate groaned and ran after her.

"That was interesting," Chuck said from behind Serena making her jump. "You're jumpy today sis."

"I know, sorry, I'm just going to go, forget the food," Serena said grabbing her coat and bag. "Call me when my suite's ready."

Serena didn't wait for Chuck to answer as she left their room, she got out of the empire and walked straight to the park, she needed to clear her head.

Back at the Empire Chuck looked amused at the entire situation, she may not realize it but Serena van der Woodsen was still in love with Nate, he saw the looks and the way they reacted when they touched. He may delude himself into thinking he was falling for her cousin but Nathaniel was still completely taken by Serena and Chuck doubted that would ever change. _This should be fun_ he thought sitting back and watching as a confused Nate came walking into the main room after Lola dragged her bags to the elevator without so much as a goodbye.

"Lola's going to stay at some apartment Serena's dad helped her find, said I should go there if I want to see her," he said scratching his head. "Where's Serena?"

Chuck shrugged, "She walked out, told me to forget dinner and call her when her stuff's in her suite."

"I don't get why Lola is so against getting to know Serena," Nate said.

"The ex girlfriend and the new girlfriend, cousins, you really know how to choose them don't you?" Chuck asked smirking. "Foods here," he said when the elevator came up again.

Nate paid and took the food from the delivery guy dropping it on the table. "So what do you think I should do?"

"Really Nathaniel, you're asking me?" Chuck laughed and Nate nodded. "Choose one obviously, you can't be with the cousin if you're in love with my sister."

Nate watched him dig into his food and frowned, "Why do you think I'm still in love with Serena," Nate asked.

"What do you call the sparks at the pool table Nathaniel?"

"One friend teaching the other friend how to play pool," Nate said it came out sounding like more of a question, using his chopsticks to push his food around inside the box.

"Even you can't be that oblivious," Chuck said with a slight frown. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food."

"Haha," Nate said dryly. "Apparently I am because I don't see it."

Chuck rolled his eyes at Nate and continued to eat while his friend thought back to the pool lesson earlier on.

Serena was watching the ducks when Chuck sent her a message to say everything was ready, letting out a relieved sigh she stood and made her way back to the Empire, she didn't know what she would have done if she stayed at the penthouse and Blair and Dan were there, it would have been the most awkward of situations. Even though she figured out that her anger toward Blair and Dan was more of a knee-jerk reaction than her still loving him.

Serena sat down in front of the TV and switched it on, it was more background noise than anything else because her thoughts were swimming around, everything was confusing her, Georgina sending her the laptop, her grandmothers death and Ivy's involvement, Lola's hatred of her and their family there was so much that was going on and that didn't even touch the Blair and Dan situation or her new realization that she may still have feelings for Nate. If she acted on them then that would turn Lola further away from her, if she left it alone, she knew it would eat her alive, why did this happen to her?

She figured she'd push them away, she'd focus on all the other problems she had, if Nate and Lola broke up and she still felt something then they could figure it out together but if they lived happily ever after, Serena would have to find another way of dealing with it, on the plus side Lola didn't seem to ever want anything to do with her so she may not even see them all that often, not seeing him would help her in getting over him.

So it was a huge surprise to her when she opened the door to find Nate and Lola standing in front of her.

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><p><strong>AN hey guys this story will most likely be a 3 shot or something really short, Nica asked if I could write something with Nate Serena and Lola, I havent watched alot of the fifth season so everything isnt perfect so if you find any errors with the story compared to the show just take it as AU thanks**

**Ok so please review and let me know what you think, Until next time (^^,)**


	2. Chapter 2

Serena opened the door to find Nate and Lola standing in front of her, she opened and closed her mouth a few times, just staring at them in shock. "Come in," she said as more of a question, still trying to figure out whether she was dreaming it. Her eyes followed Nate and she had to force herself to look to Lola and concentrate on what she had to say.

"So it has come to my attention that I haven't given you a proper chance," Lola finally said and Serena looked at her confused.

"How did you figure that out?" Serena asked sarcastically and Nate gave her a warning look.

"Nate doesn't think that the wake was a good place to meet the family so I was thinking we could do lunch sometime maybe, Nate said he'd give you time off if you needed or it could be during your break," Lola said shrugging one shoulder and looking at Serena expectantly.

Serena turned to Nate and he nodded, she continued to stare at him wondering why she hadn't noticed his haircut before now. Nate cleared his throat and Serena turned back to Lola. "Yeah… yeah sure, how's tomorrow?" she asked with a smile.

"It's good, great," Lola said latching onto Nate's arm possessively and smiling at Serena. "See you tomorrow."

Serena watched them leave with a confused look on her face, had that really happened? She closed the door and walked to her bed shaking her head and laying down on the covers, what a weird day it has been.

The next morning she was jumpy again, more alert but really jumpy. She slept all of four hours, her mind was a minefield of thoughts each one jolting her awake and a different problem, she tossed and turned until she finally drifted off to sleep, too tired to think.

"Have you ever thought about switching to decaf?" Chuck asked when she got into the office.

"What are you doing here?" Serena asked, as far as she knew Chuck had no interest in the magazine or anyone working there beside her and Nate. "I don't think I've ever seen you here before."

"I'm checking in on Nathaniel," Chuck said and Serena raised an eyebrow because didn't they live together? "He stayed with Lola last night and I was worried," Chuck said answering her unasked question and Serena frowned and looked away, she needed to get used to this, they were dating, of course they stayed together.

"Not only that but he was kind enough to bring a file I needed, all by himself," Nate said appearing behind Chuck and Serena held her breath. After Nate and Lola left Serena convinced herself that her feeling's for Nate were resurfacing because she couldn't have Dan but all that convincing was thrown out the window as soon as she saw him. "I still don't get why."

"I can be nice," Chuck told them smirking his eyes darting between the two blonds. He smiled when he realized that they both figured out their feelings about the other by the way they were avoiding each other's eyes.

"Yeah but usually when I ask you to do something you get someone else to do it for you," Nate said.

"First time for everything," Chuck said smirking. "I'll see you two later, sis, Nathaniel."

"Do you know what that was about?" Serena asked watching Chuck walk out of the office stopping in the hall to talk to one of the female employee's.

"No idea, you ok?" Nate asked looking at her up and down and Serena blushed and nodded. "You're all … jittery."

"I'll be fine," she said not meeting his eyes because she knew she would be stuck in them if she did.

"Well I actually need you to check something out," Nate said and Serena nodded. "It's in my office," he said motioning for her to follow him to his office and her breath caught in her throat, she snapped her head up and saw him walk into the office obviously expecting her to follow, she gulped and walked in after him hoping she could pay attention and keep herself together until this was over.

Serena sat down in front of his desk and waited for him to find the file, he went to his side and set the file out in front of her explaining exactly who she needed to interview and where to go. She thought she was doing pretty well, answering his questions and asking a few of her own, their usual playful banter back, it was relaxed and normal until he walked around the desk to stand next to her. He leaned down so he could look at the pages and flip them to get to what he was looking for, Serena's watched as his face scrunched up in concentration as he tried to find what he was looking for, the fingers of his other hand drumming against the desk, so close to her that she could feel the heat of his body and smell his scent giving her a giddy feeling inside.

"Here we go," Nate said standing and stuffing his one hand into his pocket pointing with his other and Serena shivered as the cold hit her, what was going on with her?

"Ok, I'm going to meet Lola now and I'll sort his out after," she said grabbing the file and clutching it to her chest, keeping her hands from doing anything she knew she may regret, now she just had to get out of there before she said anything.

"It's not urgent so you can do it tomorrow if you need more time off today," he said and she nodded and shot him a quick smile. Nate reached out and touched her cheek with his fingers and she froze, her eyes closed and shivered at his touch. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Fine, perfect," she said quickly opening her eyes, scolding herself for losing her composure like that. "I'll see you later," she said grabbing her bag and racing out of his office leaving behind a confused Nate.

It took her a while to slow down her fast beating heart after Nate touched her. She was happy Lola was late because she didn't want to have to explain her flushed face and crazy eyes. She sat down at a table outside and rubbed her temples, maybe she was going crazy the Upper East Side could do that to a person, just look at Jenny. All she knew was that she wasn't going to like the conversation with Lola very much.

"Hi," Lola said when she sat down and Serena smiled cautiously at her. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting long," she said and Serena shook her head.

"No, I got here a few minutes ago," Serena said nodding and looking around, now that her cousin was here what where they going to talk about.

"Look I know I can come of kind of strong but I don't want to be involved in a world that's controlled with money," Lola said. "My mom and yours, they kinda lost it yesterday, you saw how they fought with Ivy for what Cece gave her."

"Yeah but Ivy is a criminal, who knows what she could have done to get those things from _our_ grandmother," Serena said hoping Lola got her point, she wasn't obsessed with the money they had but she also knew that her grandmothers will was completely out of character.

"Why can you not accept that Ivy cared for your grandmother when she was sick and she appreciated it enough to include her in her will," Lola asked and Serena gaped at her.

"Because I know my grandma, I'm sure Nate told you about his grandfather, she was like the female version of him," Serena said. "She would never appreciate someone out of the family as anything more than help if you didn't have money."

"I don't see how this is helping me want to get to know _your_ family," Lola said and Serena sighed, it was Lola's family as well. "You're making her sound exactly like someone I would never have gotten along with."

"Ok fine so you don't care about the money but Ivy stole your identity, that should count against her somehow," Serena was reaching but she had no idea how to get through to this girl.

"I know and I don't like that she did it but my mother paid her to do that," Lola countered, pausing when the waitress brought their drinks. "I don't think it's her fault."

"I think it is," Serena said crossing her arms. "When she came here we welcomed her with open arms, we made her feel like she was apart of this family and she said nothing to us, even after she did what your mother asked her to do she continued to lie to us."

"Serena if she told you the truth you would have shunned her," Lola said leaning back in her chair. "She just did what she needed to do to survive."

"So you aren't angry at all about what she's done to you?" Serena asked. "That she lied to your family?"

"You have never even tried to contact me, I don't exactly consider any of you family," Lola said. "And no, I'm not angry because as far as I can tell, she did me a favor and showed me what kind of people you guys are."

"We didn't know you existed until last year," Serena exclaimed getting angry, she controlled her voice because she didn't want to cause a scene. "It is not our fault that your mother hid you from everyone for 18 years."

"So maybe you didn't know about me," Lola said shrugging. "For that I blame my mother but it doesn't change the fact that your lives revolve around the money and lies, I saw it the other day and it's not something I want."

Serena stared at her for a very long time before asking, "Why were you talking to my father?"

"I thought he may have a clue as to who _my_ father was," Lola said lifting one shoulder up in a shrug. "Apparently my mother had too many men to know for sure."

Serena smiled and rolled her eyes, it wasn't something the Rhodes woman where particularly proud of. Serena bit her lips as she looked at her cousin, she was already tired of this conversation. "I just have one more question, if you want so badly to stay out of our lives then why are you with Nate?" Serena asked, her stomach clenched when she mentioned his name but she shrugged it off. "He is part of all our lives."

"He's different," Lola said narrowing her eyes slightly at Serena. "He doesn't have the same manipulative streak the rest of you do."

"You don't know me," Serena said, tilting her head. She hated when people assumed they knew who she was because she was part of the Upper East Side.

"I learnt enough from Gossip Girl," Lola said and Serena just stared at her with her mouth hanging open, she hated even more when people assumed they knew her just from reading about her in _Gossip Girl_.

"Oh wow there's a reliable source," Serena said shaking her head. "Did you just read my section or did you look at Nate's as well? He may not be the reason for recent drama but he's had more than enough moments."

"You all have but he's staying away from it now, from all of it," Lola said. "So I want to ask you to stay away from Nate."

"I _work_ with him," Serena growled, first Lola judges her and now she's trying to tell her what to do. "He _lives_ with my stepbrother, he's one of my _best_ friends."

"I know," she said nodding. "But I also see the way you look at him, I'll tell him we're on speaking terms now, if you don't stay away I will tell him that I tried to be civil but you don't want me to have my own opinions and you're forcing me to be part of your family and I was just trying to protect you, I'll take a page out of your book."

Serena almost laughed at the girl sitting in front of her and stood up, she dropped some money onto the table before looking at Lola. "For someone who claims she's got perfect values, you really are a manipulator," Serena said and then smiled. "But think about this, when it comes down to it, who do you think Nate is going to believe?"

Lola didn't say anything and Serena didn't wait for a reply, she just turned and started walking in the direction of the building the person Nate wanted her to talk to would be. If Lola was going to push her then Serena was going to push right back, it didn't take a genius to know who was going to win this fight.

It was late when Serena got back to the office to drop her things off, all she wanted to do was go home, have a long hot bath and block out the world. If it was even possible she had more to think about now than she did before.

"I was wondering when you'd come back," Nate said and Serena smiled at him. "Did you speak to her?"

"Yeah, you'll have the article in the morning, Miss Torres is one interesting lady," Serena said and Nate nodded but raised an eyebrow because that wasn't the 'her' he was talking about. "You haven't spoken to Lola yet have you?"

"No not yet, but that was the talk I was thinking about, how did it go," Nate asked and Serena cringed, she set herself up for that but before she could answer Nate spoke again. "I know you still have lingering feelings for Dan or whatever and that's why you are so mad with him and Blair but I think maybe you should talk to them, you and Blair especially have been friends for too long."

"Nate," Serena whispered and then noticed that he wasn't looking at her but rather at the door behind her. "They're here?"

"Yeah, I called them when you got in," Nate said sheepishly. "I know you miss Blair and I hate seeing you upset over them, just talk to them."

Serena sighed and bit her lip. "Ok," she said nodding _anything for you._ "Where are they?"

"They'll be here in a moment," Nate said smiling and rubbing her shoulder. "I'll be in my office if you need me."

Serena took a breath and turned to see Blair and Dan walking in through the doors with interlocked hands and smiles on their faces. Rubbing her arms she looked back to where Nate said he would be and saw her moving around his office, this was going to be another conversation she wanted to avoid.

"Hey S," Blair said cautiously, afraid Serena wouldn't want to talk to her.

"Hey B, Dan," Serena said with a smile and Dan nodded, obviously having no idea what to say.

"You moved out of the penthouse," Blair said sounding hurt and Serena regretted not saying anything to her first. "No warning, not even a phone call."

"I thought I'd let the two of you be together alone while you … established your relationship," Serena said.

"It's not a business deal Serena," Blair said raising an eyebrow.

"Where are you staying now?" Dan asked, he felt as awkward as he had the first time he spoke to the blond, his ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend standing face to face with him in the same room, joy.

"The Empire, Chuck gave me back my suite," Serena said with a small smile and Blair's smile faltered at the mention of Chuck.

"Alone?" Blair asked and Serena nodded, they were best friends, how did it get so awkward.

"Is Nate in the back?" Dan asked after a few moments of silence and Serena nodded again.

"He's in his office," she told him and Dan almost sprinted into the office but not before squeezing Blair's hand encouragingly.

"I didn't do this to spite you and I didn't do this to piss Chuck of," Blair started before Serena could say anything. "I genuinely felt a connection to him and I know he's from Brooklyn but I think maybe I can try to get used to it."

"I know and I get the allure of Dan," Serena said shaking her head. "I'm not angry."

"Really S? Because you moved out, you refused to take my calls," Blair said crossing her arms. "You avoided me like the plague after I told you I thought I had feelings for Dan."

"So maybe I was angry, at first," Serena said letting out a breath. "But I realized that I don't have feelings for Dan anymore and that I should support you because you're my best friend, I just had too much pride to break the silence."

"It's broken, please move back in, I want my best friend to be living with me," Blair said, not understanding the complication.

"The things I said before were true, you guys need to figure this out, it's only been like a week," Serena said taking a breath and smiling at Blair. "We need some time away from each other anyway."

Blair smiled and reached forward to pull Serena into a hug. "I'm really sorry if I hurt you."

The boys came out of Nate's office as they broke apart and Blair's face actually lit up when she saw Dan, Serena cringed at the sight and took a few steps back as the lovers reached for each other's hands, not wanting to be apart.

"All better," Nate asked softly when she was close enough to him and she nodded not actually wanting to say anything on the matter.

"So why don't we all go out for drinks?" Dan said and Serena bit her tongue to stop herself for asking Dan what his problem was, they had all barely started talking again, it was still much too awkward to be acting like they were best friends.

"Yeah drinks would be good," Blair chimed in looking up at Dan and Serena thought she was going to throw up, while they were absorbed in each other she quickly turned to Nate and shook her head furiously. She may not still have feelings for Dan but she couldn't handle so much just yet.

Nate chuckled, "I think its been a long day," he said with a smile. "Rain check?"

"Sure," Dan said motioning to Blair that they should leave. "We'll see you guys soon."

"Bye," Serena said softly watching them leave and then turning to Nate and smacking him on his arm. "What was that?"

"Ow," he complained rubbing his arm. "You two are talking now so I think I deserve a hug not a hit."

"Nate you totally ambushed me," she screeched. "I thought I could have a little more time to get used to the idea before having them talk to me with their lovey dovey eyes and ….. hands."

"Serena," Nate said grabbing her arms to stop her from moving. "It's been a week, you were avoiding it."

Serena huffed out a breath and looked away, why did he have to know her so well. "I was not," she said defiantly.

"You were," Nate said and then laughed. "You're like a five year old."

"I just…. They are so infuriatingly happy with each other," Serena said gritting her teeth. "It's not even that I love Dan like that anymore or that I want to bring Blair down, it's … frustrating."

"Well people in love can be like that," Nate said biting on his lip to hide the huge grin forming on his face from how cute she was when she was jealous. "You have to just deal with it."

"We were never that frustrating," she said crossing her arms, Nate raised an eyebrow and Serena realized what she said. "I mean … we … um … I've got to go."

"No, wait, Serena," Nate called reaching out to stop her from leaving but she grabbed her bag and ran out of there before he had time to react properly.

Serena made her way to the Empire and straight up to Chuck's suite hoping for the first time that Nate would stay with Lola today. It wasn't that what she said was wrong or meant to be uncomfortable but mentioning what they had in anyway felt wrong, like she'd overstepped some boundary now that he's involved with someone else.

"These visits are becoming regular," Chuck said when she walked into the suite. "Scotch?"

"No," Serena said sitting down next to him. "I totally messed up today, with Lola, with Nate."

"How'd your talk with Blair go?" Chuck asked and Serena snapped her head up to stare at him. "I'm Chuck Bass."

"I think it went ok," Serena said hanging her head. "Why are we so messed up?"

"I don't know," Chuck said placing a hand on her shoulder. "We'll figure it out though, we always do."

"I think I still have feelings for Nate," Serena said softly resting her head on Chuck's shoulder and he nodded, knowing that this was just something that she needed to say out loud. "I don't know what to do about it."

"Did you tell him?" Chuck asked eventually, he knew this was eating at her.

"I can't tell him," Serena said shaking her head. "I can't complicate his life again."

"I told Blair I loved her and then I let her go," Chuck said. "I regret it every day but if I hadn't told her that I loved her and seen that she really did love me back then not knowing would have driven me insane."

"Is that why you're so calm now?" Serena asked incredulously, the idea of Chuck just waiting and not scheming to get Blair back confusing her. "Because you know she loves you and you're waiting for her to come back to you? Hope is keeping you from jumping of the deep end?"

"In a way," Chuck said shrugging. "She thinks she loves Humphrey and maybe they have things in common but they'll never last, there is too much separating them to last."

"Do you think Nate will ever love me again?" Serena asked sitting up straight again. "I did so much to him in the past, maybe he's realized he's too good for me and that we're better as friends."

"I don't think Nathaniel has ever stopped loving you Serena," Chuck told her. "I just think that you should tell him your feelings this time."

"Maybe," Serena said getting up and blowing out a breath. "I'm going to my room, I'll see you tomorrow."

Serena hugged Chuck and made her way to her room, she dropped her bag onto her bedroom floor and looked over at Georgina's package on the bed. She touched the edge of the box before opening it slowly, the laptop felt heavy in her hands when she took it out. Biting down on her lip she placed the laptop on her desk and started it up, her heart racing as the screen lit up and the main page was displayed.

Serena stared at the screen for a few minutes contemplating whether or not she should search the laptop, her curiosity got the best of her and she found herself opening a folder, taking a deep breath she opened the first file and read through the contents, her breath catching in her throat as she realized why she didn't want to open this laptop in the first place. The secrets hidden here could destroy her family, her friends.

Slamming the laptop shut, she threw it back into the box and shoved it into the back of her cupboard. Shakily she grabbed her bag and put her shoes back on, almost running back to the office and hoping Nate hadn't left yet.

To her surprise and relief he hadn't, he was twirling his pen between his fingers and laughing at something Lola had said.

"Serena," he said jumping up when he saw her, Lola scowled at her. "I thought you went home."

"I did and I did something really stupid but I actually came to ask you were Lola was and since you're here," Serena said stopping herself once she realized she was rambling. She took a breath and looked at Lola. "You're my sister."

"Woah what?" Nate asked looking between the two girls, Lola didn't seem fazed by the news at all, she just tilted her head to the side and frowned. "You knew?"

"I found out yesterday," Lola said and Serena gaped at her.

"And you didn't think about mentioning it this morning?" Serena asked and Lola shook her head. "Where you ever going to tell me?"

"No," Lola said. "I've told you before I don't want to be part of your family, your world and the less you knew about our parentage the less … attached I actually was."

"That doesn't even make sense," Serena almost screamed.

"Nate I'll be at home," Lola said standing and walking quickly past Serena.

"No wait where do you think you're going," Serena asked walking toward her but Nate grabbed her arm. "Nate let me go."

"No, I know that you're upset but I think you need to calm down first and talk to your dad," Nate said.

"Are you kidding me?" Serena asked. "I don't want to talk to him, ever, I need to understand what _her_ problem with me is."

"Ok, I'm taking you back home," Nate said. "You have had a really bad day, between Lola and Blair and Dan I think you just need to calm down."

"You think I'm crazy?" Serena asked. "You know I have every right to be upset about this, she's not my cousin, she's my _sister_, Nate I have a half sister."

"I know," Nate said. "But she doesn't know you and this is a lot for her to deal with as well."

"Oh my God, you're taking her side," Serena shrieked and Nate sighed letting go of her arm.

"I'm not taking sides, I'm just asking you to look at it from her perspective," Nate said pleading with her to calm down.

"No Nate, she's being ridiculous," Serena said, she sat down and took a few deep breaths before looking up at Nate again. "I'm not wrong."

Nate sighed and took a seat next to her, opting not to say anything, he felt she was being a little irrational, but to say that to her would be a disaster. "I don't understand why the two of you can't get along," Nate finally said.

"She just doesn't think that our family is worth knowing and she knows I still love you," Serena said, the rational part of her mind screaming at her for what she's just admitted but the state of mind she's in at the moment not even registering who she's talking to. "I guess I wouldn't like me too much either." Serena said shrugging and getting up, leaving the office and Nate completely shocked.

* * *

><p><strong>AN OMG the feedback for the last chapter was amazing! I would like to thank each and everyone of you for reading and reviewing or favoriting or alerting, I hope this chapter does justice, I think there is one more chapter left adn then this story is done, I never intended for it to be too long.**

**Alot happened in this chapter, but I thought Blair and Dan needed to be addressed, I really havent watched much of season 5 so my take on Lola is kinda warped and probably not true and I dont really like Blair and Dan together, I thought maybe I could try to accept the idea of Dair but I can't at least not them as lovers.**

**I just wanted to show in this chapter that Serena in her angered state can be completely irrational and out of character because at first she was afraid of mentioning their past relationship and at the end when she was upset and not thinking she admitted to Nate that she loved him without thinking**

**So I hope this chapter wasnt too much, the next chapter should be up as soon as it's done please review and let me know what you think about this, thanks**

**Until next time (^^,) you guys are awesome**


	3. Chapter 3

Nate sat there in absolute shock, did she just say what he thinks she just said. She just left like he wasn't sitting there when she spoke, like she forgot he was there, she was speaking to him but she really wasn't, how does that even make sense?

Nate was so confused, he had never thought Serena would ever love him again, he just assumed that the reason she was so upset by Dan and Blair was that she still has feelings for Dan. She said multiple times throughout the day that she doesn't feel anything for Dan anymore but that had always been her defense mechanism, she'd deny something to protect her heart, and he believed that was it until she said she still loved him. Nate was sure he just heard it wrong, that maybe she said Lola thought she was still in love with him. That couldn't be it, he_ heard_ what she said, every word, she said Lola _knew_ she was still in _love_ with him.

"I have got to stop thinking," Nate mumbled to himself, getting up and flipping the lights off, and locking the door. His phone was buzzing in his pocket but he didn't want to talk to anyone right now so he decided to walk and clear his.

Frowning when his phone buzzed again he stuffed his hands into his pockets and fished it out, Lola's name flashed across the screen and Nate groaned, he didn't want to talk to her on the phone, he wanted to talk to her face to face. He put his fingers to his temple's and gently rubbed them in circles, he promised himself he wouldn't let Serena do this to him again but no matter how hard he tries to deny it, she'll always have this unbreakable hold over him.

If he thought back maybe her confession shouldn't have been so surprising, since they started working together they got really close, he'd take her for lunch or she'd bring him coffee in the morning, they spoke about everything, they had been getting closer and closer without even knowing it. The other day at Cece's wake when he got himself and Lola a cab she looked so defeated when Lola walked away that he just wanted to walk up and hug her and get her to vent her frustrations to him but Lola's voice from the cab stopped him from going to Serena.

That moment at the Empire really shouldn't have happened the way it did but the more he thought about it, the more right it seemed to have her in his arms like that again, to have her lips that close to his, if Lola hadn't walked in when she did he would have kissed her there's no doubt about it. He probably shouldn't have played it off like it never happened either, he saw the way she reacted earlier when he asked her to go to his office, her face was flushed and she had goose bumps covering her skin when he was too close. And after Dan and Blair left, she mentioned their previous relationship and bolted and he let her go. He didn't mean to do that, he didn't even think anything off it until she said she loved him, no, not past tense, she loves him.

Nate shook his head again, certain that if someone was watching him they'd think he was losing his mind. A few weeks after Dan had told them about his book and actually admitted his feelings for Blair he told Nate about a conversation he had with Serena, she had told Dan that he was the love of her life and there was no-one else. When Dan told him that of course it felt as if his heart was breaking into tiny pieces but then he met Lola and he was getting over the pain of not meaning that much to Serena and now she's telling him she loved him, damn, no wonder she and Blair were best friends, they both changed their minds about who they loved so quickly.

Nate didn't know what he was going to do or where he was going he just knows that his feet led him here to her door, taking a deep breath he knocked slowly on the door and hoping she was still awake to talk to him.

Serena woke up to a loud knocking on her door, it was so late or looking at her clock she figured it would be considered early. Cursing whoever was at the door she grabbed her robe and put it on pulling it tight against her cold body. She opened the door to see Nate standing in front of her, he looked a little disheveled and not all that impressed with her.

He didn't even say anything he just stormed past her and straight to her balcony, Serena stared after him for a beat, before closing the door and pulling her robe tighter around her body hoping it will somehow protect her from whatever Nate was about to say. Serena walked to where Nate was carefully, he was gripping the rail and staring out into the city.

"Is everything ok?" Serena asked leaning next to him. He didn't turn to look at her or even acknowledge that he heard her speak, Serena shivered but it wasn't because of the breeze that hit her.

"Is it true?" Nate asked, his hands gripping the rail a tighter, his knuckles turning white. "I just need to know if it was true."

"Nate what are you talking about?" Serena asked, she thought back to what could possibly be true, of course she remembered her mini confession but it was soft, he couldn't have heard it.

"Dammit Serena you know what I am talking about!" Nate exploded and Serena flinched. "Be honest with me, please, is what you said at the office before you left true?"

Serena bit her lip and nodded her head, mortified that he heard her confession. "It's true," she said softly looking away.

"Look me in the eye and tell me Serena," he said touching her chin to look into her eyes and keep her eyes on his.

Serena tensed, she could never lie to him but she couldn't stand to be rejected by him. Serena took a breath and gathered her courage, "I am still in love with you," she said and then reached up to pull his hand away from under her chin.

Nate just stared at her, he was so shocked, he never expected her to confirm it, he had convinced himself that he heard wrong. "You don't mean that," he finally said and Serena clenched her jaw and looked away because she just looked at him in the eye and told him she loved him, how much more did he need. "Serena, you aren't serious."

"Why can't I be serious Nate?" Serena screamed, why wasn't he believing her. "Is it impossible for me to actually have feelings for you?"

"It's not that, it's the fact that you think of Dan as the love of your life and told him this not too long ago," Nate told her running his hand through his hair, frustrated. "It was just before Blair's wedding Serena, do you remember that? That was less than a month ago, feelings like that don't just go away."

"I was just reacting Nate," Serena said throwing her arms out. "Everything I said to Dan was said because I didn't want him with Blair, I was being selfish and I realize now that it was a mistake to let him believe that."

"Only you didn't _let_ him believe S, you _told_ him to his face in clear words that he was the only guy that ever meant something to you and the two of you should run of into the sunset together," Nate said, it hurt him to say it out loud like he just did. "Or don't you remember?"

"I know what I said," Serena screamed with tears in her eyes, blurring her vision but she would not let them fall, she wouldn't cry. "It wasn't true Nate, believe me, you have to believe that I don't think of Dan as the love of my life, he's an ex-boyfriend and I loved him in the past but not like that anymore."

"Serena, you cannot say something like that and then say it was a mistake," Nate told her. "When you say something like that you mean it, you know that it's true and you're willing to be with that one person forever because you don't fall out of love with the love of your life."

"You would know," Serena said annoyed with him.

"Of course I would know," Nate said running his hands roughly through his hair and Serena's heart skipped a beat. "I loved you for so long, sometimes I …"

"Sometimes you what Nate?" Serena asked breathlessly.

"Sometimes I feel like I'll never stop loving you," he said softly and Serena stepped forward wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his because as much as he didn't say the exact words, he indirectly let her know she was the love of his life. It took him a second to react and wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. It took just as long for him to realize what he was doing and push her away. "I can't do this, I'm still with Lola," he told her, turning his body away from her again and gripping the railing.

Serena touched her lips and breathed out heavily, she could feel the stinging behind her eyes and willed the tears to go away. "Oh, yeah," she whispered, she half expected him to have broken up with her cousin, no wait, her sister. "Does she know you're here?"

"No, I went to see her before I came here," Nate said and Serena felt a sting, he went to Lola before he came to her but she scolded herself, Lola was Nate's girlfriend and she came first in his life right now. "She thinks I'm with Chuck."

"What are you going to tell her," Serena asked rubbing her arms.

"I don't know," Nate said and looked away. "I don't even know if we _are_ still together, she said she needs time."

"Why," Serena asked, remembering when she asked for time and he gave her a choice.

"She said she needs to think about things, she thinks you and I may … be too close," Nate said dropping his head, Lola basically told him that Serena was still in love with him and she knew he felt something for her as well so he had to choose her or Serena. "I guess her instincts were right."

Serena took a deep breath and took a step away from him, biting her lip. "Nate I'm leaving the magazine," Serena said and Nate immediately snapped his head up to look at her and she held her hand up when he looked like he was going to protest. "It's going to save your relationship and make it easier for us," Serena said.

"Serena, you can't leave," Nate protested. "You still have your blog to write and you help me a lot, S I don't know what I'd do without you."

Serena smiled and touched his cheek gently. "You'll be fine, I can still do the blog if you want me to and I can make it a little more exciting," she said a small smile forming on her lips to let him know it was ok, and then she looked away from him again, dropping her hand. "Emma Torres the lady you sent me to interview earlier, she offered me a modeling contract, it's nothing huge but I think it could lead to something."

Nate just nodded he didn't expect her to leave, he knew that Lola would be upset if he spent more time with Serena than he did with any other employee but without Serena at the Spectator he barely got to see her. It felt like he was losing her and he thinks that would actually be worse than if he and Lola did break up because as much as he hated to admit it to himself every girl he's been with since Serena has been a distraction and he's let himself believe that the distraction would keep him from missing her too much, from getting his heart broken by her again.

"Nate say something," Serena said, he'd just been staring at her and it was getting uncomfortable.

"Don't go," he said shaking his head. "We can work something out, anything, I will never get to see you if you leave."

"I know, but it's good for us," Serena said nodding, reassuring herself more than him.

"I really don't see how it's good for us," he argued, Lola forgotten for the moment, he couldn't lose her again, in any way.

"Nate haven't you been listening?" Serena asked smiling sadly at him. "I'm in love with you, what I said to Dan … I know now that I was mistaking those feelings with the fact that he was the one thing, the one person that I didn't have to share with Blair and I felt like I needed to keep it that way."

"Serena," Nate started but cut himself of, he wanted to tell her that she never had to share him with Blair but then he realized that before Dan entered their lives, he was shared between the two girls.

Serena smiled at him as if she knew what he was about to say. "Nate, if I stay then I'm not going to be able to control myself, it's going to hurt so much being in the same room as you every day knowing that you don't return those feelings, it's better this way."

Serena cursed herself as the tears from before made its way down her cheeks slowly. "Serena," Nate said softly reaching out to wipe her tears away, he loved her so much but he couldn't tell her that because he was afraid her confession wasn't true. As much as she believed she was in love with him it could just be another confused set of feelings like what she just explained about Dan. Nate knew that if he let himself believe her feelings then a few months down the line when she realizes that it wasn't true he's going to be left broken and he doesn't know if he'll be able to handle any more heartbreak at the hands of Serena van der Woodsen.

"I think you should go," Serena said looking down and taking a step back to allow Nate to go through. She walked him to the door and when he turned around to say bye she threw her arms around his neck and held him close for a second before letting go and slamming the door on his face. Sinking down to the floor she began to really cry, a stream of hot tears flowing down her face letting her know that something was changing that she was losing something that she _never_ knew she could lose.

Nate stood on the other side of the door for a full minute before walking away, her eyes said everything, it showed such pain that he just wanted to go back there and wrap her up in his arms and never let her go. It was tough for him to walk away from her room but slowly he made his way to his and Chuck's suite wondering if his best friend was still up.

Nate made it to the end of the hall before he finally turned around, the door to Serena's room was closed and he could just picture her on the other side crying because of the feelings he couldn't let himself return and he hated himself for causing her pain. In a few months, she'd understand, she'll be over him and they'll know that what he did was to protect them both from the inevitable pain.

It took everything in him to turn around again and go to his and Chuck's suite. Nate spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling unable to go to sleep, when his alarm rang he reluctantly got up and got ready to go to the office. He reached the office earlier than usual but her desk had already been cleared, Nate sighed and threw his bag onto the table slouching onto his chair and rubbing his temples, he really shouldn't be feeling this bad.

Nate went through his week like a zombie, he cancelled most of his meetings and sat in his office with his head in his hands, trying to figure out if there was anything he could have done to stop this from happening. He tried so hard to think of something else but his mind kept replaying the previous day, Serena's smile, her edginess around him, how adorably angry she got at him when he called Dan and Blair, the way her eye's glazed over and a smile formed on her face when she told him she loved him and finally those tears that he knew wouldn't stop when he couldn't tell her he loved her back.

"Have you slept at all?" Nate snapped up his head to see Lola at the door with two cups of coffee. "I didn't mean to startle you, you just look a little … drained."

Nate just watched her as she walked over to him with a smile and leaned down to kiss him, it felt wrong and so different from the kiss Serena gave him the last time he saw her, Nate shook himself out of the memory when he realized Lola was talking. "Why are you here?" he asked because she asked for time yet she was acting like nothing changed.

"Serena's gone so I assumed you made your choice," Lola said with a huge smile and Nate couldn't help but wish for Serena's bright smile. Lola bit her lip and handed Nate his coffee and took a seat in front of him.

"You're just here to tell me you know Serena left?" Nate asked leaving out the part about making a choice because he's pretty sure she won't like what he has to say.

"Well," Lola said a little confused at Nate's tone. "William van der Woodsen wants me to change my surname, he wants to legally be my father, I don't know whether to be happy or … or … or be wary that he's trying to drag me into this crazy world."

"You do know that being with me means that you're in this 'crazy' world," Nate said raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah but you're everything good that's in this world," Lola said touching his hand and Nate nodded slowly. "You aren't manipulative or fake."

As Lola started talking about all the things William has been doing for her Nate wondered if the man ever did anything for Serena, he knew that he did nothing for Erik, not that the younger boy even cared about his father. Serena had so many issues regarding her dad and how he left them and now he's trying to play perfect father to a girl he only found out about a few weeks ago? Nate couldn't help but loath the man, he was inevitably the reason he and Serena fought and broke up what feels like an eternity ago.

"Are you even listening?" Lola asked and Nate looked up at her. "I guess not."

"Hmmm, sorry there's just a lot I need to do," Nate said looking over to his computer where Serena's latest blog post was open for his approval before it's posted.

"It's ok," Lola said forcing a smile onto her face and standing. "I'll just come back later."

"No," Nate said stopping her. "I don't think you should come back."

"What are you saying?" Lola asked, tears filling her eyes and Nate winced he hated making girls cry.

"I'm saying that I made my choice but it's not you," Nate said and Lola clenched her jaw.

"Serena was right you'll always choose her," she said and then just turned and walked out with her head held high, reminding Nate of Blair, which scared him for a moment.

Just watching her he wondered what had attracted him to her in the first place, she looked so much like Serena that was the first thing. She was strong and set about being who she is and not being anything like her mother. Nate wondered how much that's changed, how much William has promised her, he wonders if she and Serena would ever get along or if she knows about Erik and how much they've been through. He doubt's she'd be so harsh if she knew, but then again when it came to Serena, in his eye's she could do no wrong.

Nate sat down again and buried his head in his hands, he had to see Serena but he had no idea where she was, she never picked up when he called, he went to her suite a couple times but she was never there, she hadn't visited Chuck when he was around so his week was Serena-less and he never wanted it to be like that again.

When Nate got back to the Empire that night he found Chuck on the couch smirking to himself. "What's going on with you?"

"I know you said I should leave them alone but I went over to Blair's today," Chuck said and before Nate could tell him that he shouldn't have done that Chuck burst out laughing leaving Nate dumbfounded because Chuck was always the most composed person on the planet he never laughed like this. "I overheard her talking to Dorota."

"Are you high?" Nate asked dropping his things onto the couch and sitting opposite Chuck. "Because if you are I want whatever you had."

"I'm not high Nathaniel," Chuck said with a huge grin on his face. "Blair and Dan are having … problems."

"Already?" Nate asked, when he saw them the week before they looked so happy. They were holding hands and looking at each other lovingly, it couldn't have changed that quickly.

"Yep and you'll never guess what about," Chuck said and Nate shrugged, he could never guess what was making Chuck so amused but whatever it was he's sure it's good. "They are having problems in the bedroom, everybody keeps interrupting them."

Nate rubbed his eyes and laughed with Chuck. "You mean so they haven't…?" Nate asked looking at his laughing best friend.

"Oh no they have," Chuck said nodding and Nate raised an eyebrow. "It was just really, really bad."

Nate just shook his head and chuckled at how much joy Chuck got out of that.

"She was complaining about how they never got a moment alone and the other night they finally locked themselves up in the penthouse," Chuck informed him. "All that build up and no reward."

Nate just laughed and got up with his things, "I don't know whether I should be happy that you're getting so much joy from this or disturbed."

"I should warn you Nathaniel," Chuck called as he walked to his room. "There's a surprise in there for you."

Nate shook his head and wondered for the hundredth time since he got to the empire if Chuck was high. Entering his room he stopped at the door because Serena was on his bed, she was just lying there playing with a ring on her finger not noticing at all that he was there. Nate took deep breath and walked in this conversation was going to save them or push them so far apart he was afraid they wouldn't be able to go back to friendship. When her eyes met his, he knew he was hoping for the first option.

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><p><strong>AN ok so I was convinced to extend the story hehe it wont be much longer though because I'm afraid I'll ruin it somehow so if there's more I will make a sequel where I can ruin it and you guys can just love this story lol sorry I ramble alot**

**I am in absolute awe at the reviews I got all of you are absolutly amazing and the favorites and alerts as well I cant believe it so thank you all so so so much!**

**Ok so I hope this chapter does justice and you guys enjoy it, I wasnt sure how I was writing Lola but I got a few reviews to say I'm doing a pretty good job of it so far so yey me lol I really havent watched alot of season 5 so I must apologise again for the mistakes I make, I'm working on spoilers and recaps I read I'm hoping to catch up as soon as I'm done with all my assignments and stuff.**

**Mano, you asked about the process of writing a story, usually when I get an idea I write it down or make a note if im busy and when I have time I sit at my computer and I write what I think shoudl happen, usually I imagine what the characters would do or I watch old episodes to see them together and then I have an idea of the things they'd say and stuff like that, if you make and account I could probably talk to you much easier hehe **

**Thank you all so much for the support please dont forget to review and let me know how I'm doing so far and what you think, Until next time (^^,) **


	4. Chapter 4

Nate walked cautiously into the room where Serena was lying on his bed clutching one of his throw pillows and playing with a ring on her finger. He placed his jacket and bag on his chair and when he looked up again her eyes met his.

"Hi," she whispered and he nodded at her loosening his tie and taking it off, throwing it onto his desk and walking forward to sit on the edge of his bed in front of Serena.

"Hey," he replied wondering what was wrong, she didn't look like she'd been crying but she looked very deep in thought. It had been over a week since they saw each other and it wasn't like he hadn't made an effort to get in touch with her, she avoided him , so if she was coming to him now something had to be wrong and there was no-one else she could talk to. "What's going on?"

Serena adjusted herself so she was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed underneath her instead of laying down. "I … um… I don't really know who else to go to."

Nate watched her bite her lip and take a breath wondering how that was possible her entire family was still in town, he was sure of it, even Erik came home for the week for his mid semester holiday and Chuck was in the next room. "Why? Serena what happened?"

Serena opened and closed her mouth a few times before looking up at him and realizing who she was talking to and what she was about to say. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have come here," she said making a move to get of the bed but Nate stopped her by putting his hand on her leg.

"You know I'm always here for you S," he said looking into her eyes and hoping she could see the sincerity in them. "No matter what's going on with us you can still come to me."

"I know," Serena mouthed and nodded, she gulped when his hand didn't move, Nate seemed to realize this and sat back quickly, taking his hand with him.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

"My dad wants Lola to change her name and officially let the world know that she is his," Serena said and Nate nodded because that's what Lola told him earlier that day. "He called a family meeting in the morning and you should have seen my mother's face when he announced the news," Serena said with a humorless laugh.

"Lola came to see me earlier and she told me about your dad," Nate said and Serena looked down at her hands. "She said she still doesn't know if she should trust him."

Serena nodded still looking down. "He wants to take her away for a holiday or a bonding experience or something, I don't know, to get her to agree with the change or trust him or both."

Nate didn't have to see her eyes to know that she was close to tears. This strong girl who never wanted to show people her weaknesses gets reduced to an emotional wreck every time her father is around, it made Nate so angry just to think of the man that abandoned his children so long ago and then magically expect them to be ok when he finds out he has another child and just ignores the ones he already knew about.

"He just feels like he's lost too many years with Lola, that he doesn't know Lola like he should and he should spend time with her because she deserves his time more than we do," Serena said, her voice cracking at the end of the sentence.

"Serena, maybe this is something you should be talking to Erik about," Nate suggested because as much as he'd like to be her rock, this is something that her brother would understand and be able to help better than he could but Serena shook her head.

"Erik doesn't understand why I care or why I want the man in my life in the first place, he thinks it's better if he focuses on Lola and leaves us alone, it doesn't even bother him that we have a sister," Serena said rubbing at her forehead tiredly. "My mom is just angry so Rufus is dealing with her, Blair and Dan are occupied on trying to fix their sex life and Chuck is so amused at what he overheard that he can't be serious if I spoke to him, so that leaves you."

"I'm your last choice," Nate said jokingly, nudging her knee gently.

"No, no, of course not," Serena exclaimed, thinking he meant it seriously. "I just wanted to avoid putting you in the middle of me and Lola as much as possible, I'm a friend and she's your girlfriend and you shouldn't have to make any decisions like that."

Nate knew that she mainly kept him out of it for the fear that he'd actually choose Lola's side, that's how well he knew her and the way she thought. He was about to tell her that he and Lola weren't together anymore but she started speaking again.

"He left when I was like four years old Nate and he popped back into our lives when I was nineteen," Serena said shaking her head. "How exactly does he know me any better than Lola?"

Nate decided that this was more of her time to rant and rave and if he said something it was either going to be really wrong or taken as the wrong thing in her mind. He remembered when Serena's dad left, his parents tried to explain to him why Serena was sad all the time and why he had to keep her happy, that wasn't a problem though he hated it when she was sad so he always tried to make her smile and most of the time it worked and when it didn't he'd give her a bear hug and tell her he hoped she'd smile again.

"I just can't understand how he justifies what he's doing, when he came back I was so sure it would fix me but it didn't I'm still a mess," Serena said and then rubbed at her face with her hands. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to go of topic like that."

Nate nodded and smiled at her, "You're not a mess ok?" he asked watching her fidget with the edge of his pillow, she didn't look convinced and nothing he said now was going to convince her so he decided to ask something else. "Did you say anything to him about it?"

"No, it's like he told us and my mom went for Carol, like literally jumped over Rufus _and_ Erik to attack her," Serena said widening her eyes for dramatic effect and Nate laughed. "Erik screamed so loud he sounded like a little girl, I think if Carol hadn't jumped out of the way as quick as she did my mom would have clawed her eyes out, we kind of got out of there as fast as we could after that."

"Was that the reason your dad left though?" Nate asked, it just struck him that it could have been a reason for William's departure, even though Erik was already like a year old and that would mean Lola would have been turning two.

"I don't know," Serena said shrugging. "I don't think so because it would have been a while after the affair that he left, Carol was long gone by then."

Nate knew that ever since her dad left she had been waiting for something from him, a phone call, a letter, a sign to say he still cares and it never came until a few years ago, he came into their lives and played them all before leaving again and leaving her devastated.

"You don't need him S," Nate said taking one of her hands in his. "I know he's your dad but he doesn't get to make you feel like this, you shouldn't let him ok, you have me and you have Chuck and Blair and Dan and Erik and your mom and we all love you and there's no way we'd choose Lola over you."

"_You_ did," Serena said sniffing and blinking quickly so her tears wouldn't leave her eyes, her chest tightening as she thought about it. "She _gloated_ that you chose her over me and she won, I had to remind myself where I was and that I couldn't slap her."

"I know and I'm sorry she did that," Nate started but Serena had already pulled her hand out of his and stood up. "Where are you going?"

"It just hurts," she said walking over to wear her bag was and picking it up. "It hurts that you're probably never going to be on my side when it comes to Lola."

"Wait, no, Serena," Nate said and got up to grab her hand. "I broke up with Lola this afternoon," Nate said and Serena stopped struggling to get out of his hold, her bag falling to the floor but neither of them noticed.

Serena looked at him with her mouth hanging open, after everything that had happened, the talk they had about her feeling's and his relationship with Lola, she couldn't believe that he broke up with Lola. "You … what? Why?"

"Because I couldn't get you out of my mind for the entire week, not Lola, _you_," he said looking into her eyes. "Serena even if we don't work out, it will kill me that I let this chance to be together go ok, because I really, really want another chance to be with you, I know I messed up last year with Juliet and you were preoccupied with Dan after that, I just thought we missed any chance for us you know?"

Serena nodded and clenched her jaw. "But you said you didn't believe me when I told you what I felt, you thought I was reacting to Blair and Dan."

"I still think that there's a possibility that I'm reading into this all wrong and you really are just reacting to Blair and Dan when you said you loved me but there was something else, I saw it in your eyes," Nate said stepping closer to look into her eyes. "It wasn't just something I wanted to believe and I know that if I don't take this chance with you I will regret it forever."

"So if tomorrow, Blair comes and tells you she loves you and you see '_something'_ in her eyes will you leave me to take that chance," Serena asked and Nate threw his head back and groaned.

"You don't get it do you? You are the only girl I would ever take a chance like this for, you're the only one I've been waiting for and you're the only one I will ever want this badly, that I'm sure of," he said, using the hand he was holding he pulled her closer to him and taking her other hand so that he was holding both of her hands in his. "I'm asking you right now Serena, was what you said true? All those lost feelings that returned, I need to know that I'm not seeing things, I need to know you're not going to break my heart."

Serena closed her eyes for a second and smiled before nodding, "It's true, I've been thinking about it, about us, since that day they read my grandmother's will when you left with Lola and you looked at me like you would do what you could, you'd do _anything_ to help me and it stuck with me."

"I remember," Nate said softly, he remembered Serena standing there looking defeated.

"There was so much more going on that I tried not to think about it that much, I wasn't going to say anything to you when I wasn't sure myself. And then when you were teaching me to play pool and it hit me, like a ton of bricks it hit me that we never resolved our feelings, we never took that second chance and got to see what we could be, I never chose you or between the two of you, not really," Serena said shaking her head and pulling her hands out of his to rest them on his chest.

Nate huffed out a small laugh and pulled her even closer, putting his hands on her hips and his forehead on hers.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened last year, I shouldn't have put you through that," Serena said and Nate smiled.

"It's ok," he said leaning down to kiss her like he'd been thinking about doing for the whole week. "You don't want to know how long I've been waiting to do that."

Serena giggled and leaned up to kiss him again. "I think you've waited long enough."

"I really want us to work this time S," Nate said his thumbs rubbing circles at her hips. "I want us to have that absolutely cheesy, infuriating to look at kind of love that everybody wants."

"You want us to have what Blair and Dan have," Serena asked with a teasing smile and Nate laughed because a few days ago she called them infuriatingly happy.

"No," Nate said and Serena looked at him confused. "We could never have bad sex."

Serena laughed and let her head rest at the base of his neck where it met his shoulder, feeling the vibration of his vocal chords as he spoke on her forehead.

"We'll be better than Blair and Dan anyway coz we're the golden couple and plus since you're the new Gossip Girl you can call us that all the time," Nate said dramatically and Serena shook her head.

"Maybe as the new Gossip Girl I can let my dad see that he doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does," Serena said hopefully and Nate smiled and nodded once bumping her head with his chin, he knew what was bothering her.

"I really don't want you to go anywhere but you need to speak to your dad about Lola, it's not going to help anyone if you avoid this," Nate said, he knew that this was going to bother Serena unless she says something to her parents about it.

"I know," she said picking her head up and giving him a small smile as her arms snaked around his neck. "But I don't want to, I just want to lock that door and never leave this room."

"Don't tempt me," Nate said with a slight laugh. "That's not going to help you though, you know you need this, screaming at your dad could actually help you, just don't let him play you."

"I won't," she said letting go of him and taking a breath. "I can't believe you're making me do this."

"Me neither but I know you have to," Nate said with a smile. "When you come back, I'll take you out and we can figure out where we stand."

Serena nodded and smiled because as much as they weren't a couple just yet he gave her hope and that was all she really needed from him, "Wish me luck," she said stepping away from him and Nate pulled her back for one last kiss. "You're really not helping me leave."

Nate laughed and let go of her. "Good luck," he said softly and Serena was torn between going to see her family so she could start to work through those problems or stay there with Nate and kiss him until she couldn't breathe anymore. Nate seemed to sense her hesitation and lead her to the door, Serena groaned and waved at him before leaving.

Serena left Nate and ran straight into Chuck, "You've calmed down," she told him.

"I know," he said, sounding upset about it. "I'll walk you out."

"Did they have good sex?" Serena asked wondering why his mood was so dark now.

"Apparently," Chuck said with a slight shrug. "She's hosting some sort of coming out party for them next week."

"A coming out party?" Serena asked turning to him and Chuck nodded. "You mean like to show him off."

"I don't know," Chuck said as the elevator hit the ground floor. "It just seems like she's trying to prove something, like she's trying to integrate him into our world as much as she can because he's going to stick around."

"Oh," Serena said softly, she didn't know how what else to say, Chuck loved Blair and he truly believed that she'd see the faults in Dan quicker than this and she'd leave him allowing Chuck to win her heart over again.

"You don't seem to upset," Chuck said scanning her. "You don't really seem to care much at all actually, I know you told me you were still in love with Nathaniel but those big feelings for Dan you were going on about a few weeks ago can't have disappeared that fast."

"No, I mean I guess some small part of me will be upset about this and feel betrayed but the bigger part has Nate and needs more than ever to make it work with him or risk losing him and I don't want to lose him," Serena said, she knew as soon as the words left her lips that they were true and that this wasn't just something she had to say to convince herself and those around her. "I'm mot the love of Dan's life and he's not the love of mine and I need to be mature about this so I'm going to be supportive of their decisions not to throw a tantrum."

"Admirable," Chuck mumbled. "I hope you aren't expecting me to do the same."

"No, I'm expecting you to win her back," Serena said with a smile and Chuck smirked as he opened the car door for her. "Just don't tell Nate I'm encouraging your scheming."

"He may just help me," Chuck said and Serena shot him a confused look. "It's been a while since the book but I don't think Nate will ever forgive Dan for making him so irrelevant."

"Maybe," Serena said as Chuck closed her door. "I'll see you later."

Serena got back to the Empire after two hours and sat heavily on the couch between Chuck and Nate and put her head in her hands. Nate looked at Chuck and raised an eyebrow, Chuck just shrugged and poked his sister.

"I take it the talk with daddy didn't go so well," Chuck said and Serena groaned.

"I don't want to talk about it," she mumbled and Nate sighed.

"I'm going to let you handle this one," Chuck said to Nate and Serena glared at him, Chuck smirked and touched Serena on her back as he stood.

"What happened?" Nate asked still chuckling after Chuck left. Serena groaned again and leaned into Nate who threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled her back so she was leaning on him.

"He doesn't care!" She exclaimed. "He thinks I'm being spoilt and I should get used to the fact that I'm not his only child."

"I'm sorry," Nate whispered and rubbed her arm.

"Urg, I'm just annoyed with him, it's like he's so set on making Lola feel like she should be a van der Woodsen, that he's forgetting about Erik and I, he doesn't even know us," Serena said taking a deep breath, trailing of and grabbing the hand on her arm, pausing it's movements. "I guess we should just be used to it by now, everyone comes before us."

"Your dad has no idea what he's missing out on," Nate said pressing his face into her hair. "He's missing out on knowing the best person in the world."

"What did I ever do to him Nate?" she asked, and he could hear the tears she wouldn't let fall.

"Hey look at me," Nate said gently moving her so she was facing him and he could take her face into his hands. "You didn't do anything wrong , you're dad doesn't deserve you and when he finally realizes what he's missed out on you can turn your back on him, how does that sound?"

Serena sucked in a breath as the tears fell from her eyes because of Nate and she let her forehead touch his. "I'm sorry," she said covering his hands with hers. "This was supposed to be a happy moment for us."

"If this is really going to work S, I need you to tell me these things," Nate said pulling away enough to look into her eyes. "I still want to be the guy you can talk to about everything."

"You are," Serena said prying his hands of her face and squeezing them. "I think we're ready to do this again, I think we've both waited for this for a really long time and we had our chance but everyone deserves a second chance."

"I think so too," Nate said softly, a smile breaking onto his face at her words. "I'd give you a million chances."

"I think you already have," Serena said laughing softly. "I've hurt you so many times."

"You're worth every single scar," Nate said and Serena pressed her lips together again. "Don't cry, I didn't mind, I knew it would someday lead to us getting here."

"How can you have so much faith?" Serena asked.

"I just do," Nate said kissing her and for the first time in a very long time Serena felt like she was worthy of something, that she wasn't alone, she felt like a weight was lifted of her shoulders and Nate was the reason for it all.

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><p><strong>AN first of all **_**Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl**_

**So I have actually just watched the ep after Chuck and Blair's car accident, yep I am that far behind, from that ep I love how Chuck tells Dan that Serena is Dan's sister as well when he tells Chuck about the fake dating, and Nate is snappy with Dan the entire episode because of the book, so I pretty much enjoyed that ep lol but from the spoilers and recaps I read to write this story it doesnt look too good but here's hoping for a Serenate reunion**

**Please Please review and let me know how I did, I have exams coming up very soon so I doubt I'll be posting another story very soon but how do you guys feel about a sequel? I also have an idea for a very fluffy NS multichap story but we'll see how it goes.**

**Mano : I am so sorry about the last time I guess I misread what you wanted, first you need to create an account, from there you upload your word document with your story using the doc manager under the publish tab. After your document is uploaded then you'll need to agree to the terms and conditions before publishing your story... Its not very difficult but like I said before if you create an account it would be easier for me to talk to you about it.**

**Hope you all enjoyed this unitl next time (^^,) ... **_**The end**_

_********_**Updated****  
>Hey guys I know in the original I said I was ok with the ending but I really didnt like it, it felt kinda fluffy really rushed and nowhere close to what I actually wanted to end it with, this ending it more of what I had in mind so I hope you like it. I'm not expecting those who reviewed before to review again, just read it and please enjoy :)<strong>


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